Hmm, yup this will be my last entry.
I guess depression is after all, a very scary thing.
You dont know when you start to sink into it.
But you know the easiest way out is to end it off.
How?
By just disappearing from this world.
Who will cry if I am gone?
University years -4 years, moves very slowly.
It is the period where, I feel that I need to be somewhere else, to do something else.
And not here, wasting my time.
Urges of quitting school, are getting stronger and appearing more frequently.
It is the impulsiveness to do, something else.
To not waste my youth on studying.
How old will I be when I get my degree?
Twenty-three?
And what will I do after that?
Of course there are times, when I feel that I should talk to you.
But I dont want to scare you off.
With my thoughts.
My thoughts of committing suicide for example.
How would you understand me?
When you dont even know me at all?
Probably cos there wasnt a chance to do so in the first place.
My heart aches a lot.
These few days.
No, I had a good and happy chinese new year.
But when the night comes,
I sink into someone else.
I am very upset, even though you dont even know me.
Even though you are gone since 2003.
That's 3 years.
So I guess, people that knew you, their pain will be greater.
What have I become these days?
Farewell. :D
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
十五岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了单纯的初恋。
十六岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了温馨的感觉。
十七岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了什么是幽默。
十八岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了稳重的爱情。
二十岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了被爱的感觉。
每一个过程都会是我生命中很重要的一部分。是引着我到达现在的我。
今天是我第一次真正的聆听周杰伦的珊瑚海。令我再一次，在这一刻，再度相信世上真的有爱吧。
就让我们再度谈恋爱吧！
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes when I see your behaviour,
it reminds me of a friend.
She was, just like what you are like now.
Sometimes I wonder if it is because you are not matured enough.
What I can only do now,
is to laugh bitterly.
Only bitterly.
What else can I do?
Years later, you, and only you,
will learn your lesson yourself.
---------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, dear sherlock holmes is really nice la. The plot and stuff, perhaps a little dry, I cant really remember now. But I only know that I used to like it a lot when I was young.
我体会了单纯的初恋。
十六岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了温馨的感觉。
十七岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了什么是幽默。
十八岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了稳重的爱情。
二十岁谈恋爱时，
我体会了被爱的感觉。
每一个过程都会是我生命中很重要的一部分。是引着我到达现在的我。
今天是我第一次真正的聆听周杰伦的珊瑚海。令我再一次，在这一刻，再度相信世上真的有爱吧。
就让我们再度谈恋爱吧！
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes when I see your behaviour,
it reminds me of a friend.
She was, just like what you are like now.
Sometimes I wonder if it is because you are not matured enough.
What I can only do now,
is to laugh bitterly.
Only bitterly.
What else can I do?
Years later, you, and only you,
will learn your lesson yourself.
---------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, dear sherlock holmes is really nice la. The plot and stuff, perhaps a little dry, I cant really remember now. But I only know that I used to like it a lot when I was young.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Last weekend was, kind of a mad rush for me. Okie, not really that a rush, but I guess I was (am) still, not geared up for school life. I seem to be out of touch with impending deadlines, or there's no sense of urgency.
Rushing through a SCM assignment during the weekend reminded me of one assignment I did last term. I finished a report in less than a day? Yeah, on the day of submission too. Still need to submit hard copy man. I cant really remember the amount of time spent. But luckily my friend kindly offered to submit it for me. Hahaha. Why is he so kind? Cos he nearly screwed up my report. Seriously big time.
It all started with me sending my cover page template of the report to friend B, cos he wanted to know my format. But he, being so kuku, submitted his report with my template to prof, my name, title and ic no. So, in the end, we had to email prof to explain why I submitted two copies of the report. And we had a hard time explaining to prof the reason for doing so. I am so glad that prof was understanding enough.
Anyway, back to topic. Hmm, rushing my SCM assignment and hmm, hope that it is not that bad. Rushed for another assignment after SCM, followed by a presentation. It wasnt that screwed up.
But I am still..lost in the world of school.
Rushing through a SCM assignment during the weekend reminded me of one assignment I did last term. I finished a report in less than a day? Yeah, on the day of submission too. Still need to submit hard copy man. I cant really remember the amount of time spent. But luckily my friend kindly offered to submit it for me. Hahaha. Why is he so kind? Cos he nearly screwed up my report. Seriously big time.
It all started with me sending my cover page template of the report to friend B, cos he wanted to know my format. But he, being so kuku, submitted his report with my template to prof, my name, title and ic no. So, in the end, we had to email prof to explain why I submitted two copies of the report. And we had a hard time explaining to prof the reason for doing so. I am so glad that prof was understanding enough.
Anyway, back to topic. Hmm, rushing my SCM assignment and hmm, hope that it is not that bad. Rushed for another assignment after SCM, followed by a presentation. It wasnt that screwed up.
But I am still..lost in the world of school.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I thought of my parents, last night while lying in bed. It was one of those nights when I will try to imagine life after they move on. As much as I try to distract myself from these thoughts, each time when they appear they seem to stay on and never leave. I would spend the night thinking, tearing, till I fall asleep. Last night, I prayed. I prayed to the person up there who believes in me, prayed that my parents will live to an old ripe age. Prayed to the person up there to shorten my life span and to give it to my parents. My dad's health havent been good recently. Especially last year. He had a fever last night. He's hitting the big 6 in a couple of years to go. I am worried, centainly. Losing someone, is really very painful.
Have you try to imagine how your mum will look like, 20 years down the road?
Anyway,
Have you try to imagine how your mum will look like, 20 years down the road?
Anyway,
Preparations for CNY! Pink bedsheets! Plus Red curtains! Forgot to post that pic up. Pink tee! Pink tissue cover! and winnie-the-pooh from mummy! hmm...precious..gtg..
Monday, January 23, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
These days, things seem to be rather fuzzy. All I do all day round is to make sure I am on time for class, make sure that I am entertained on each train trip to and fro home, make sure that I sleep at least 4 hours etc. It feels different from the previous school term where school to me was literally SCHOOL and only HOME to a certain extent. No balanced lifestyle; perhaps the increased frequency of meeting up with friends this term, makes me feel..a little fuzzy. Not to mention that tuition took up 50% of my time last term, but I felt more "normal"? Haha, I lost my train of thoughts out of a sudden.
Oh yah, not to mention the decrease in the frequency of entries these few weeks. And my delayed update of Step Sun's concert and the sending of photos to the rest. (so sorry, it is still lying in my desktop, untouched since I uploaded them). Perhaps the motivation to, start leading a healthier lifestyle seems to be missing. Gone are the days where I would feel motivated to go gyming, which explains the increase in weight nowadays plus a more obvious tummy. Sigh. I live by "I will do it tomorrow". Big big sigh. I know it's not good, but I am lacking the motivation.
School's been okie. Great perhaps. Learnt a couple of stuff yet, and perhaps in between I learnt some important life lessons. Haha, sounds funny but hmm, doesnt make much sense to anyone except me anyway. Hmm, but strangely, friends think that I am having problems in school, by the questions that they asked each time they see me. One even relates my so-called problems to my msn nick, which only reads "wei ling" 99% of the time and nothing else. Probably there's some imaginary nicks going around yeah? Okie not funny.
I guess it's sad when a friend treats you like a competitor, and with that gradually becomes self-centered. And perhaps a friendship/relationship proves to be rather fragile when people just get out of your life whenever he/she thinks that you have done them something wrong etc. I guess, not many people know how to appreciate kindness that is showered on them. Generally, people always amplified disappointment/betrayal/misunderstanding/whatever that's bad; and play down kindness.
Hmm, Jiamin and I kinda had some misunderstanding? I dont know whether misunderstanding should be the appropriate word to term it. Hmm, I guess deep down inside I know that she still treasure the friendship, and I believe she knows that I do, too. Perhaps, being fuzzy makes me slower in processing stuff and having a ultimate slacky lifestyle. Like, I have been home since 6pm but I have not bathe yet? It's like 3 am right now but I feel awfully comfortable. I seriously think that's something wrong with me. Lost my train of thoughts again.
Been catching more tv programmes these days. Perhaps I have been watching too much stuff on tv. Making me very retarded and lethargic.
Hmm, I was thinking about something today. If you have a voucher of a spa treat for 2 to some super expensive place, would you:
a) bring your best friend along,
b) bring your boyfriend/girlfriend along,
c) bring someone that you feel like bringing
Okie point C doesnt really make sense cos it means either a or b, but it can means that you do not bring your bf/gf or your best friend, but someone you suddenly thought of and feel that he/she is suitable for the treat you are going to go for. Get it? Okie, ignore the spa and replace it with a concert, a meal, or something that is beneficial to you and you can only give it to 1 person.
I thought of this question today, and I havent come up with an answer yet. Oh, family is exluded in this question.
Hmm, Gil got me this belt from BKK. Thanks dear! Really like it! And I am glad that you thought of getting it for me. You made it more special cos you asked your friend to get it for you, as well as for me.
I think I shall go bathe now.
Anyway, to people who are concerned, please take everything that is written above as a pinch of salt as I am writing now at 3am and perhaps tend to be a little slightly....well, in short, I will definitely be alright as usual as you wont see me getting depressed over stuff in front of you; and also cos I cant be bothered to think about my own problems-not good though.
Oh yah, not to mention the decrease in the frequency of entries these few weeks. And my delayed update of Step Sun's concert and the sending of photos to the rest. (so sorry, it is still lying in my desktop, untouched since I uploaded them). Perhaps the motivation to, start leading a healthier lifestyle seems to be missing. Gone are the days where I would feel motivated to go gyming, which explains the increase in weight nowadays plus a more obvious tummy. Sigh. I live by "I will do it tomorrow". Big big sigh. I know it's not good, but I am lacking the motivation.
School's been okie. Great perhaps. Learnt a couple of stuff yet, and perhaps in between I learnt some important life lessons. Haha, sounds funny but hmm, doesnt make much sense to anyone except me anyway. Hmm, but strangely, friends think that I am having problems in school, by the questions that they asked each time they see me. One even relates my so-called problems to my msn nick, which only reads "wei ling" 99% of the time and nothing else. Probably there's some imaginary nicks going around yeah? Okie not funny.
I guess it's sad when a friend treats you like a competitor, and with that gradually becomes self-centered. And perhaps a friendship/relationship proves to be rather fragile when people just get out of your life whenever he/she thinks that you have done them something wrong etc. I guess, not many people know how to appreciate kindness that is showered on them. Generally, people always amplified disappointment/betrayal/misunderstanding/whatever that's bad; and play down kindness.
Hmm, Jiamin and I kinda had some misunderstanding? I dont know whether misunderstanding should be the appropriate word to term it. Hmm, I guess deep down inside I know that she still treasure the friendship, and I believe she knows that I do, too. Perhaps, being fuzzy makes me slower in processing stuff and having a ultimate slacky lifestyle. Like, I have been home since 6pm but I have not bathe yet? It's like 3 am right now but I feel awfully comfortable. I seriously think that's something wrong with me. Lost my train of thoughts again.
Been catching more tv programmes these days. Perhaps I have been watching too much stuff on tv. Making me very retarded and lethargic.
Hmm, I was thinking about something today. If you have a voucher of a spa treat for 2 to some super expensive place, would you:
a) bring your best friend along,
b) bring your boyfriend/girlfriend along,
c) bring someone that you feel like bringing
Okie point C doesnt really make sense cos it means either a or b, but it can means that you do not bring your bf/gf or your best friend, but someone you suddenly thought of and feel that he/she is suitable for the treat you are going to go for. Get it? Okie, ignore the spa and replace it with a concert, a meal, or something that is beneficial to you and you can only give it to 1 person.
I thought of this question today, and I havent come up with an answer yet. Oh, family is exluded in this question.
Hmm, Gil got me this belt from BKK. Thanks dear! Really like it! And I am glad that you thought of getting it for me. You made it more special cos you asked your friend to get it for you, as well as for me.
I think I shall go bathe now.
Anyway, to people who are concerned, please take everything that is written above as a pinch of salt as I am writing now at 3am and perhaps tend to be a little slightly....well, in short, I will definitely be alright as usual as you wont see me getting depressed over stuff in front of you; and also cos I cant be bothered to think about my own problems-not good though.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
"i dunno y u're keeping quiet. nor y do u compare urself to me n think tat u're kiddish. my life is nt happening as beautiful as it may seem to u or anyone else. but to me i juz live it to the max. so there's no regrets. there's nothing to pace abt. juz live life at ur comfortable pace. n be happy wif everything u do. my concern 4 u has nv changed. n it's the same 4 shireen. tats all i wanna say. if u think this frdship is too meaningless then there's nothing much i can say too."
Saying that you are mature (in my previous post some time back) and I am kiddish is to emphasize your maturity and it was never meant to be a case of comparison. Perhaps I was wrong to base my judgement purely on what I have soon from your blog. Your words came too sudden for me to digest them and think them through.
Someone once told me, "so much for saying you care." Would I give a damn about you, if I dont even care? I dont know what should I do next. I just all I can do is to say I am sorry if I have hurt you in any manner.
Anyway, I really love kimchi a lot la. I had kimchi soup this afternoon and I had kimchi soup for dinner too. Hmm, my mum actually went to make kimchi - as in preserve kimchi. After trying the kimchi soup we had for lunch at Westmall this afternoon, she went home and use hers to make kimchi soup. Hmm, of course the one outside taste better la, but hers is quite okie. LOL.
Saying that you are mature (in my previous post some time back) and I am kiddish is to emphasize your maturity and it was never meant to be a case of comparison. Perhaps I was wrong to base my judgement purely on what I have soon from your blog. Your words came too sudden for me to digest them and think them through.
Someone once told me, "so much for saying you care." Would I give a damn about you, if I dont even care? I dont know what should I do next. I just all I can do is to say I am sorry if I have hurt you in any manner.
Anyway, I really love kimchi a lot la. I had kimchi soup this afternoon and I had kimchi soup for dinner too. Hmm, my mum actually went to make kimchi - as in preserve kimchi. After trying the kimchi soup we had for lunch at Westmall this afternoon, she went home and use hers to make kimchi soup. Hmm, of course the one outside taste better la, but hers is quite okie. LOL.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Last night, dap smsed me at around 11+pm. She asked if I wanted to go for supper. After some exchanging of messages (which in turn led to some little miscommunication!), I ended up on bus 174 and off we went to Bukit Timah for our intended prata and my milo dinosaur. Yeah I told her she conned me into taking a bus with her to Bukit Timah and I was only wearing shorts and tee! And carrying a big umbrella! All cos i thought she was refering to the prata stall near my place.
Doesnt matter cos due to Hari Raya, the prata stall at Bukit Timah wasnt open for business so we ended up at some eatery. The food was not bad! Laksa gravy was coconut-filled, eggs were erm eggs..and all at a rather reasonable price!
We took a stroll home, yes right from BT. Hmm...somehow the journey home seems very very long, never-ending, but the walk was just nice. Perfect. It feels good to walk home with someone close to you, baring your soul to that person, laughing and speaking out loud, in the wee hours. Havent been out that late at night alone on the road, so last night's walk back to my place makes me feel kind of afraid, afraid of sudden attacks. LOL. Perhaps I was wearing shorts and the chilly weather. Yup.
Today after class, I met up with Gil. Sorry dear, didnt went round to look for your stuff, especially when you planned the route last night to travel round. I was down with flu, sneezing away and using up whatever tissue paper that I had. Sorry dear! But I am glad that you enjoyed yourself today with your loved ones, including me of course! Hee..oh, I think Carl's Jr is good!
Hmm, this morning I woke up, feeling tired as usual. Only slept for 5 hours or so but it is considered to be more than the amount that I used to sleep last term. I was eating breakfast when my dad asked me how to activate some shortcut key on his laptop. So I went to sit next to him and was toggling with his laptop when he...LOL..planted a kiss on my left cheek! Hahaha..it was more like a peck la..but then it felt good! My dad isnt a person who explicitly display his affections.
Lalalalala..
Doesnt matter cos due to Hari Raya, the prata stall at Bukit Timah wasnt open for business so we ended up at some eatery. The food was not bad! Laksa gravy was coconut-filled, eggs were erm eggs..and all at a rather reasonable price!
We took a stroll home, yes right from BT. Hmm...somehow the journey home seems very very long, never-ending, but the walk was just nice. Perfect. It feels good to walk home with someone close to you, baring your soul to that person, laughing and speaking out loud, in the wee hours. Havent been out that late at night alone on the road, so last night's walk back to my place makes me feel kind of afraid, afraid of sudden attacks. LOL. Perhaps I was wearing shorts and the chilly weather. Yup.
Today after class, I met up with Gil. Sorry dear, didnt went round to look for your stuff, especially when you planned the route last night to travel round. I was down with flu, sneezing away and using up whatever tissue paper that I had. Sorry dear! But I am glad that you enjoyed yourself today with your loved ones, including me of course! Hee..oh, I think Carl's Jr is good!
Hmm, this morning I woke up, feeling tired as usual. Only slept for 5 hours or so but it is considered to be more than the amount that I used to sleep last term. I was eating breakfast when my dad asked me how to activate some shortcut key on his laptop. So I went to sit next to him and was toggling with his laptop when he...LOL..planted a kiss on my left cheek! Hahaha..it was more like a peck la..but then it felt good! My dad isnt a person who explicitly display his affections.
Lalalalala..
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Yesterday was spent with 3 wonderful individuals; gilian, show meng and may. We wanted to go Chinatown but upon reaching there, the crowd was really too much for us to take it that we decided to go elsewhere. Eh, we went to Holland V's Essential Brew to chill, follow up with a cruise accompanied by the beautiful night of Singapore to end up at West Coast Park, and finally decided to set foot at Pandan Reservoir's calming waters. The view is really very nice!
I bought Dan Brown's 4 books (as shown below) at a steal of $49+. Yeah, it is a pure page-turner I guess. Been reading more books this year and the previous. And, yeah I have been keeping track of the titles of the books I have read in some .excel file though I havent been updating it. (dont laugh it's not wu liao it's to keep track mah) If you think I read a lot, it isnt true! Gillian reads more than me! Hohoho!
I bought Dan Brown's 4 books (as shown below) at a steal of $49+. Yeah, it is a pure page-turner I guess. Been reading more books this year and the previous. And, yeah I have been keeping track of the titles of the books I have read in some .excel file though I havent been updating it. (dont laugh it's not wu liao it's to keep track mah) If you think I read a lot, it isnt true! Gillian reads more than me! Hohoho!
Books! They are a beauty, isnt it?
Eh, nothing much to say..so..
Weather's so chilly!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
The unexpected on the first day of school 2006 got me there. Happily I timed myself to leave home on time in order to reach class punctually. My prof didnt turn up. Luckily I have anicipated that I would have lots of time to waste, this being the first week of school. Hence, the (smartypants LOL) me brought my laptop to school for servicing. Haha. Time was not wasted. Oh, my nokia 8310 software is happily working right now so I am able to send unlimited smses to selective loved ones.
Hmm, I didnt eat supper last night; I slept at 1230 am last night (only after drinking flu syrup oops); but I havent been exercising since 2 weeks ago! (been procrasinating giving all sorts of reasons..i am too lazy to hit the gym...too lazy to pick up the momentum again..); I ate fried food (thanks to my mum's cooking that made me gave in to temptations); I ate before 7pm..yeah..so I have not really follow the 6 'rules' that I am supposed to do so yeah? Hee..
Haha..I shall go and bathe..
Hmm, I didnt eat supper last night; I slept at 1230 am last night (only after drinking flu syrup oops); but I havent been exercising since 2 weeks ago! (been procrasinating giving all sorts of reasons..i am too lazy to hit the gym...too lazy to pick up the momentum again..); I ate fried food (thanks to my mum's cooking that made me gave in to temptations); I ate before 7pm..yeah..so I have not really follow the 6 'rules' that I am supposed to do so yeah? Hee..
Haha..I shall go and bathe..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
