I have lost my focus in life, from the year 2004, May. Or perhaps earlier.

I am alright.

I have thought of many things. Of everything, everyone, things I wish I have done, and things that I wish I have not done so. Familty, relationships and friendships; things that matter to me; etc.

Catching "perhaps love" makes me remember someone. I guess I will still love him, somewhere deep down inside my heart. As cliche as that sounds like; I cannot forget him. Yes, he has appeared and reappeared in my life, and left just like that. But I know I wont forget him. Perhaps I need a couple more years.

Sometimes, I wish that a cry will be as simple and pure as it can be, where you cry 'cos you are feeling pain; you cry 'cos your sister hits you and it hurts; you cry 'cos you are not given a sweet to eat;

and not 'cos you cry 'cos you are feel like crying; 'cos you haven't have a good cry for sometime; or 'cos crying makes you feel better.

I cannot cry.


I am not facing depression.


I am hiding from..myself.


I guess the day when I realise how bad a state I am right now, will be the right time for me to regain my focus.


And I am still waiting for this day to come.