[ Life's sad. But I like it this way. ]


Well, what do I have to (will) do from today till Sunday:

1. AA
2. Study BP for upcoming test
3. Ethics
4. Read AIST? (no time to do)
5. PM meeting anyone?
6. Tuition
7. Meeting up with Gil
8. Spending more time at home

Seriously thinking of moving back to King's cos it really saves me a lot of time back home. Not really but then, instead of reaching home at 12am each time, I could have reached King's in 15 mins' time compared to an hour journey home. HOW?

I will miss home certainly. And I will miss my toilet, my bed, my tv (okie there got tv), my clothes, my internet connection. :)

I apologised. Didnt know it was not really accepted. Perhaps it was, i dont know.

Someone asked, whether we are really that close. My first reponse was, yes, of course, why not?
The same someone said, "I don't think so."

Made me think about it.

My mum scolded me for being irresponsible once. But that was over something that turned out to be an misunderstanding.

I didnt turn up for my tuition, cos I didnt want to go. Am I being very irresponsible?



In life, there are so many things that you really don't want to do, but you still have to go through them. Perhaps this is what they call - things that will not kill you will make you stronger.

Now I know why my sms to you was unanswered.


I dont know what to do next.




Perhaps, you need a friend, not like me.
A friend, who wont go missing, once a while.



I am never a good friend yeah? I know that.





And, it's time for me, to just hide in my own corner and breathe and eat in my own world.




Many things have changed, dont you realise?



No party for me this year.



Not of those reasons that I have told you about.







I just dont want a party cos many things have changed.






:)

"do you feel that I am not doing enough?"

This question left me pondering for some time while I was lying on my bed last night. How would I blame you for not doing enough, when I too, perhaps have not done enough. I have expected a lot from you, but I do not realise that I am, also, not giving enough.


Take a look at the conversations below:

wei ling. [ let's go and eat steamboat supper soon, yeah? ]
F1: steamboat? okie! when?

*pause*

My reply: i dont know..

wei ling. [ let's go and eat steamboat supper soon, yeah? ]
F2: yea steamboat! when?

*pause*

My reply: i dont know..

wei ling. [ let's go and eat steamboat supper soon, yeah? ]
f3: when? tonight?

*pause*

My reply: i dont know..


Yes, I really don't know. With school and meetings that you wont know you are going to have till someone tells you the day before, or even on the day itself, how to have steamboat supper! You tell me!

10 days, since my last post.

What have I done for the past 10 days?

• Caught a movie- 4 brothers with dear dan. Hmm, wasn't expecting much out of that movie, so it turned out to be pretty good.
• Had dinner with jiamin at ThaiExpress. Chatted and didnt stay for long. At least I had her company on the train. Been ages since we kinda took the same route home.
• chilled out with peiyu at ps kfc. LOL. yeah it is kfc. It was quite a good talk cos at least I told her some of my problems in school and stuff.
• Had a ethics presentation. 90 mins presentation.
• Had a ISM presentation.

Yeah, guess that's how I spent my 10 days. Mostly in school.

Hmm, sometimes I do wonder how the three of us used to spend time out together. Yes, just the three of us. We seem to be so distant nowadays. You guys are so high up there, while I am just at the same level.

Someone told me that she wants to organise a "surprise" birthday party for me.

You made my day, dear.

1. Right. Last post for the time being. Thanks to those who have been coming here and updating yourself about the happenings of my life.
2. It has been a hard period for me. After so long, I am still unable to understand, what is really wrong with me.
3. I cry, easily, but only to myself. Alone in the night.
4. I hide all my unhappiness, showing my smile to everyone else.
5. I distanced from everyone. But no one came and tried to pull me out.
6. I thought you will always be there for me. But it seems that, I am still wrong, after all. I tried to talk to you on msn, well I know I should not try to talk to you on msn but perhaps call you, but, it seemed difficult to talk to you on msn. What happened to the bond we once had? Just weeks ago? Gone? I dont know. Of course, I am not blaming you.
7. And gillian, I am not refering to you, cos you have been a great friend to me, and will always be. :)
8. I was sick last week. Only mummy was there for me.
9. Someone was there for me, in seconday school days. We drifted apart. We contacted each other again recently. But perhaps, there are some things in life, that should be kept still at where you last left them. Bumping into a friend that you haven't contact for some time, and realising that, you and her, cant really communicate as much as what you two did in the past. It hurts, or saddens everyone to learn of the very truth. Sweet memories, perhaps, should be kept at the moment where they are at the best. This way, your impression of them will not change.
10. Oh, I will not have a 21st birthday party.
11. dear, hope you know who you are. I feel a tinge of sadness whenever I read your entries on your blog. You have changed a lot you know? And you remind me of how much I have changed too. It always feel nice talking to you about anything, cos in a way, you always seem to understand why do I feel in this and that manner. But, for the sake of your health, quit smoking k?
12. I thought I would always have you in school to lean on to, cos you promised to be there for me. It hit upon me that, you have left me and you kinda broke your promise. But all I am glad now is that everything is fine and yup.
13. Of course, there are ups and downs in life, and everyone is experiencing them. I have been betrayed before, so have you. Yes I know. But, why do I still accept people back, with welcoming hands too, when they have let me down?
14. Why is the whole world feeling sorry just for themselves?
    
    
    
    
    I will be back, when I have stopped feeling sorry for myself.

I cancelled tuition this morning. No particular reason.

I read something off someone's blog..it kind of made me think. At least a little. And I am feeling a little better now.

At least a little happier. :D

The bad dark days are going to be over. Sunshine please come my way soon!

Changed. A really simple skin. :)

Some years back, someone left his footprints in my path. Some years later, the footprints that the same someone has left in my path, was erased by him himself.

Please, too, do not be mistaken that i would think that you will throw my stuff away, cos, even if you do, it doesnt really matter anymore. I told you not to return me any stuff, cos they dont serve as a purpose to me anymore.

You said that the watch means something to you, that is why you want it back. Has it ever occur to you that, the watch, at the same time, means something to me?

So, it does not matter to you at all, the primary reason why the watch was given to me in the first place yeah?

I swear not to drink anymore, not even a single drop, at least for the time being. *LOL*

Right. Done with my part of the project research. *phew* At least something is done. Seems ages that I have some satisfaction in a project. Though small, but at least it means something. My music has been blasting off my laptop since I have started work, and I am enjoying every moment of it. Didnt read much today, it will be a loooooooong week to come, and a long day later. *sigh*

Going to school seems like fighting a long, losing battle.

woke up at 9pm and realised that I have slept too much. Disappointment filled me as I didnt wake up in time to go for my usual 4km run. Havent been running for a week and eating a lot for this week. Staying at home isnt great, cos I eat more. Three good meals are always provided at home by my darling mummy. It is sinful to stay at home. But I have four consecutive days each week to laze at home for the coming weeks, someone please save me.

Sat in the living room trying to convince myself that a run today and a run tomorrow will not make any difference. But it kinda failed. I decided to run. Headed downstairs and realised that it was still drizzling. Cursed myself for not wearing my cap. Comtemplated whether I should continue running or go to the gym. Decided to continue. Everything felt different. There was no motivation in running today. No strong urge to do so. Told myself that I should just go for it. Started running. Saw this group of teenage boys in their school uniforms. Decided to change to the other direction. Didnt want to attract any attention as I was running alone. Yeah, dont laugh. Boys, you never know what they can do when they are in a big group. Ran, for a 100 m. Saw the dark narrow path that I always run. Something in my mind, kept telling me that I shouldnt run that path tonight. I turned back, and went home. Lost, in my own world of thoughts.

Where's my passion for running?