Thursday, January 18, 2007

Been eating a lot (more than normal), eating makes me feel good emotionally but not good physically. Haha. Can see the gain in weight. Must be determined! Plus I am meeting an old flame this coming Sat!

Been just resting a lot (since I quit). Just sleeping and eating and sleeping. Not really doing much work. Why??

Sometimes I wonder why I chose that path. Am I really that determined to leave? Am I? Was reading past entries and each of them clearly indicated my strong desire to leave. Have I made the right choice?

Sunday, January 14, 2007

藍石頭

藍石頭靜靜躺在森林深處,
度過了一萬年之久。
它以為它會永遠待在這裡,
直到地老天荒。

但是,
一場漫天大火燒毀了森林,
美麗的藍石頭被撞裂成兩半,
一半留在森林裡,
另一半卻被運往城市……

這是一個關於寂寞與追尋的故事。

藉由藍石頭華麗而又滄桑的旅程,
我們彷彿看到,
即使是一絲希望的光芒,
也可以照亮整個宇宙的黑暗。

一萬年過去了,
一千年過去了,
一百年過去了,
十年過去了,
一年過去了……



I am shifting. :)

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Am having a class right now on a Saturday afternoon and it's just so boring. It is so boring that I am easily amused:





Anyway I received an sms from Mr. M at 7pm yesterday. It read: "later going dragon fly. no free entry. have to pay."

I thought it was a message that was sent to the wrong recipient. So I ignored it and didn't reply. I found out later that it was supposed to be a question.

Tell me, who goes around asking questions in this manner?! Haha..

Friday, January 12, 2007

Springroll!

Hoho! It has been raining. And raining isn't good, especially when you have to go to work in the morning! Haha!

This morning was really tough. I was lazing in bed, refusing to wake up and go to work. Only managed to reach the office at 0945. But I wasn't the only one late! Saw many people strolling in as well. It must be the rain.

Hmm..well..the cute vietnamese guy is really very adorable. Let's name him Springroll. Hee. And he is also very gentlemanly! I like! Hahaha..too bad too bad..he's single too! But too bad too bad..

Well..we were at Novena Square this afternoon for lunch and were waiting at the cab stand for a cab back to Mediacorp. There was this caucasian woman in front of us. She was having some difficulty getting her baby out of the pram by herself. So Springroll offered to help. He asked, "Can I help you in any way?"

And before he knew it, the caucasian woman turned around and placed her baby into his arms. The rest of us were surprised. Haha. It was kinda unexpected and we had a good laugh after that.

Springroll is just so cute! I like! but too bad too bad..


As a child, Rose believed everything that her mother told her. A timid youngster, she resisted sleep, fearing nightmares. Her mother told her that Old Mr. Chou guarded the door to dreams. One night, she dreamed that she was in Old Mr. Chou's nighttime garden, where he chased her through the garden, shouting, "See what happens when you don't listen to your mother!"

Thirty years later, Rose's mother is still trying to make her daughter listen. They meet at the funeral for China Mary, a mother who has helped many children in the neighborhood. Rose's mother criticizes Rose for being too thin and for confiding in her psychiatrist rather than in her own mother. Later, Rose considers what her mother said. She realizes that she has been feeling confused, caught in a dark fog of conflicting emotions.

Rose has been telling her friends different versions of her break-up with Ted. For example, Rose told Waverly about the physical pain of divorcing Ted; she told Lena that she feels relieved to be free of him. She told her psychiatrist that she wants revenge—yet, despite her vivid descriptions of revenge, her psychiatrist looks bored.

To settle her conflicting emotions, Rose views all the possessions that she and Ted amassed during their marriage. Soon afterward, Ted sends her a check for $10,000, along with the divorce papers. Is Ted trying to trick her into accepting this money as a full settlement? Is he saying that he still loves her? Unable to decide how to handle the check and papers, Rose stuffs them in a drawer. Her mother once explained Rose's penchant for indecision by saying that Rose was "without wood." Lacking this sturdy fiber, Rose bends in all directions—she cannot stand alone, cannot take a stand for herself.

Rose walks in the garden, a once-immaculate assortment of flowers and herbs, now gone wild from neglect. She then goes to bed and stays there for three days. On the fourth day, she has a nightmare about Old Mr. Chou and awakens when her mother calls her on the telephone. Ted phones and presents his demands. Anxious to remarry, he wants the divorce papers signed immediately, and he also wants the house as part of the settlement. Rose breaks into gales of laughter when she realizes that Ted has been having an affair. She invites him to come over that night, with no idea about what she is going to say.

She ends up showing him the overgrown garden. As they walk through the plants, she hands him the unsigned divorce papers and announces that she will not move out of the house. That night, she dreams of her mother and of Old Mr. Chou and his garden. In the garden, she discovers her mother tending a wild sea of weeds that, she boasts, she herself planted.

Rose finally finds her "voice," her identity, and the ability to trust herself. From early childhood, Mrs. Hsu attempted to teach her daughter to listen to her and, thus, to learn how to listen to herself. But Rose was a timid child, unsure of where to find the truth, and she grew into a timid woman, uncertain of herself and unwilling to make decisions. Eventually, her indecision frustrated her husband, and the couple grew apart. In her mother's words, Rose was "without wood," lacking both strength and substance. She rejected her mother's wisdom and looked to Americans' opinions of her.

Amy Tan uses two important symbols to represent Rose's maturation. The first is the flower and herb garden that Ted had been cultivating. A garden is a traditional symbol for growth and rebirth, and as in the Bible, this garden will serve as a backdrop for betrayal. When Rose and Ted were happily married, Rose loved the house and the manicured garden. She thought that it was an outward manifestation of the healthy flowering of her marriage. It was their Garden of Eden, perfect and without sin. In reality, it was little more than another sign of her husband's obsessive nature. Every weekend, he sorted and pruned the plants, much as he controlled Rose's life. He rejected anything that could not be categorized—like the cutting of aloe vera that Lena gave Rose: There was no room for this stray, single succulent in Ted's garden. Everything had its ordained place in Ted's orderly world view. Like a god, he controlled it all. With Ted's departure, the garden went to ruin, much as Rose's life fell into disarray. The calla lilies languished, the daisies drooped—much like Rose, who felt defeated by the sudden loss of Ted's emotional support. Like the flowers, she was unable to hold up her own head and face the world. Her very name—Rose—reinforced her place within Ted's garden. And, as in the Garden of Eden, there was a snake in Ted's garden: Ted himself. As Rose's mother suspected, Ted has been "doing monkey business" for quite some time. Now he wants a divorce so that he can marry his lover. And Rose would probably have given him, dutifully, what he wanted—had she not strolled into the garden and looked closely at it.

Initially appalled by the clumps of weeds, she rushes to the garden shed for pesticides and weed killers. But this urge doesn't feel right; she has the sense that someone is laughing at her. Rose realizes that she doesn't want to get rid of the weeds. Instead, she goes to call the lawyer—to seek outside help. But this notion is not right either. She suddenly breaks down emotionally and takes to her bed. When she is awakened—significantly, by her mother's call to life—Rose realizes that she can survive without Ted. This is where Tan emphasizes another key symbol, the weeds. Rose is no longer the delicate flower that her name suggests. Now she is a weed—a tough survivor. The weeds in the garden have sprouted up in the patio cracks, anchoring themselves in the side of the house and spreading under the loose shingles. Weeds are strong, Rose realizes—so strong, in fact, that they are capable of burying themselves in the very foundation of a house. When that happens, you have no choice but to pull down the building. Like the weeds, Rose has taken root in the foundation of her home. She has no intention of relinquishing it to Ted. It is hers; he will have to tear it down to get it away from her.

Her dream reinforces this symbol of Rose's newfound identity and strength. In the dream, Rose's mother is walking with Old Mr. Chou through the foggy garden. Notice that Rose is no longer afraid of Old Mr. Chou, her longtime enemy. She now welcomes sleep because she is in touch with her inner self. She is at peace. And her mother is planting weeds! This is an inversion of our expectations. People plant flowers; they pluck weeds. But Rose's mother realizes the strength of weeds. They aren't fragile roses that wither in the glaring sun or driving rain; they are hearty survivors. In the garden, they are already "spilling out over the edges and running wild in every direction." Like them, Rose has taken root. Like the tough weeds, she can now survive life's blows.

Rose Hsu Jordan: Without Wood
Joy Luck Club

Thursday, January 11, 2007


“假如我一直相信她,
当日就不会给她一记耳光。

若然我多了解她,
就不会连她一心求死,
都感觉不到。

她曾义无反顾的爱过我,
可我偏不懂得去珍惜。

对不起。

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Man's Best Friend

Had an enjoyable time and learnt something very interesting yet touching in today's Japanese Consumer Culture.

Statue of Hachiko in Shibuya

Hachiko was born in Akita in 1923 and was first brought to Tokyo in 1924. He and his owner, Mr. Eisaburo Uyeno, were inseparable friends right from the start. Each day "Hachi" would accompany Eisaburo, a professor at the Imperial University, to the train station when he left for work. Upon returning, the professor would find the dog patiently waiting, tail wagging. This happy routine continued until one fateful day in 1925, when the professor was taken ill on the job and unfortunately died before he could return home.

Despite the fact that Hachiko was less than two years old at the time, the bond between dog and owner was strong. Hachiko continued to wait each day at Shibuya station for a friend who was never coming back. At times, he wouldn't return home for days at a stretch.

The Akita became a familiar sight to commuters as he kept his vigil for over ten years. On March 8, 1935, Hachiko finally went to meet his master. He died on the very same spot he last saw his friend alive.



I am sick. Sore throat 'cos of eating too much ginger. Fever 'cos of the sore throat. Flu 'cos hmm..of the fever. Haha. Cough 'cos of the flu. It's a cycle kinda. Not bad already. Think the last time I fell sick was 12 weeks ago. Haha. And when I am sick and tired, I say silly things. And here it goes:


[At one of the benches at Mediacorp, during our smoking breaks]

Me: Hey Peiyu, what fruits are those hanging on the tree?
PY: Where? Huh....those? Coconut lor..
The rest: What fruits? COCONUT lor. You never see coconut tree before huh? Think you need to go East Coast more often..

But I am not the only one who speak like that..haha..and here it goes again:

[At Mediacorp's canteen]

PY: Jia Bao, help me order Lemon ICE Honey Drink Hot.
JB: *stoned 'cos thought he heard wrongly*
Me: *stoned 'cos thought I heard wrongly*
Both (JB and Me): *looked at PY*
JB: HUH? You want Cold or Hot one?
All: laugh..

And the best thing is...I have gotten a packet of VICKS from someone so sweet! As always! Hee..






I looked at my feet, not once, not twice, but several times today. My mummy once told me that I had the ugliest feet that she had ever seen. And so I thought they were hideous. But today, they did not look as bad as what I had imagined them to be. Just like what Dap had said, "to love myself for who I am. To start accepting myself for who I am, my weaknesses and strengths, and to start falling in love with myself".

And for a start, I am beginning to fall in love with my feet. Haha..

Monday, January 08, 2007

Of fun, love and joy.

1st Jan 2007 was spent at Jia Min's place, baking, eating and bonding. As usual, food was equally delicious, just like the other time! Haha. I like Punggol. Loves its serenity. Loves its big green fields. Loves the feeling that you are like on another island and out of Singapore. Somehow everything seems to be moving at a slower pace whenever I am there. Too bad this time round we didn't stay over, for both me and Shir have stuff to do the next morning. Next time kk!

Margarita (just cheese and tomato!) Pizza

Banana and Prune Muffins!

Baked spring rolls stuffed with juicy prawns and scallops!




Brought dear old Marky to Botak Jones! They really serve big portions of everything! Generous servings of fries! And I spied around and noticed that many didn't manage to finish their fries! And we had to wait for a very looooong time before our food finally reached us! Overall the food was so-so. Not really that fantastic! Very affordable and filling!

I think this is Cajun Chicken. Not bad, quite yummy!

Mine was the Botak Burger - some beef burger! The patty was abit overcooked. :(

A closer look at my beef burger!



30th Dec morning was spent at ulu ulu Boon Lay, visiting the ARMY. Haha. The invitation mentioned that there would be a guided tour around the camp. I was kind of looking forward to it. And to find out that "guided tour" meant a guided tour by your own brother was kind of disappointing. -_- Serving Army doesn't seem that bad after all! Haha. Nah, okay. Facilities' alright to me, welfare's not bad etc. I managed to receive some praises from my bro's friends despite looking bad due to the lack of sleep! I was up since 630am!



Yeah this is me in his bunk.

Went Jurong Point to get some baking needs after that as I had wanted to bake something for someone. Actually I was really damn tired and the worst thing was that my mum and my bro had to accompany me even though they were tired as well. Sigh. Anyway, I spent the whole afternoon not napping but baking.

Melting chocolate!

Whipping the cream cheese!

After some time..

Mixing in the peanut butter! How sinful! But it's my favourite!

Hmm, it was meant to be a surprise for someone. But it ended up as a surprise that wasn't given. Not that it matters anymore. :) This is my first time baking all by myself. I have never tried to cook anything for anyone, not even say bake. 'Cos so far no one has made me really want to step into the kitchen. But boiling an egg for the ex-bf was something that I had really wanted to do at that time. And this time round, baking something for the ex-ex-bf was also something that I had really wanted to do. Strangely, I took pics of the final product but they somehow disappeared. The pie was really nice, but a little too sweet.




As most will know, I am currently working part-time at Mediacorp. So waking up early in the morning each weekday isn't as bad as what I have thought it would be! I always like to do weird stuff, probably just to test whether my determination and endurance level is there. Just like I choose to work so hard to earn more (when I am actually pretty well-to-do as compared to others but imagine having to wake up each morning when it's raining heavily and all you want to do is to just sleep in!), but I spend $$ like water. $42 for a cab ride? Kill me please..haha..I think the pay that I am receiving in Mediacorp is going to be gone soon before I know it..


John Road! Just for you, Mr. 29!





Christmas! Let me see..what did I do on Christmas eve? A picnic at King's didn't come true, though having oranges and peaches in a plate of homemade potato salad was indeed refreshing and unique. The eggs tasted deliciously well in the potato salad!

Some angel gave me goodies! Thank you so much. :)

Christmas Tree Cookie!

M&S' Mint Crisps! Think it's still lying somewhere at home!




May Tan baked cookies for Christmas and gave some to me! :) Really sweet of her! Oh girl, the "20-year-old, eyes big big" guy ate some and said they were nice! Hee..







Been visiting Vivocity quite frequently. Had dinner at Vivo's White Dog Cafe some time ago with Peiyu and Wee Kwang. The ambience was not bad, brightly-coloured and comfy seats and all that, good service. Food was not bad. Italian-Western food, like pasta, pizza and potato wedges. Price's affordable. But it was quite funny 'cos we see one another every weekday 9am to 6pm, and we were still having dinner together that day! So it just felt as if we were in Mediacorp's canteen eating away..



Yes, Vivocity again. This time round it was at the Corduroy Cafe with Jiamin and Shir. A nice and quiet place to chill out with the best girlfriends, sipping hot latte and just enjoying one another's company.

The Corduroy Cafe




5th Jan dinner was spent at Novena Square's Ichiban Boshi. Our 2nd time there as a team. The Testers Team - Peiyu, Wee Kwang, Jia Bao and I. Haha. Working is fine, as long as you have the right company. The right people to bitch about irritating and nasty supervisors. Spent a total of $94 there for 4 people! We were there, a week ago too! We spent $70 the first time round for 3 people! Well, anyway the main purpose of blogging about this is to tell you about the amount of ginger that we ate, or specifically the amount of ginger that Peiyu and I ate. Haha. As you can see..

Wee kwang trying to scoop out the last bits of ginger slices!

Jia Bao (the cute Vietnamese guy with a special side or angle that not everyone will be able to notice!) picking up the last piece of ginger.

The empty bottle and empty plate.

Yes, and I ended up with a slight sore throat on Sunday due to the heatiness of ginger! I can't take too much of heaty food, 'cos I am already hot enough! Oops! Haha..

I met up with Gil, May and Alex after that and we decided to head to Equinox's City Space. A very sophisticated yet intimate music lounge, made perfect with velvety red majestic armchairs and the singer was good. A little alcohol now and then does wonders to the broken soul I guess. I had this very alcoholic nice drink, can't remember the name of it though. It tasted sour with sugar added on the rim of the cup. Photos will be up soon! Only when someone sends them to me! Thanks for asking me out, dear.




6th Jan morning was spent in school for FYP (Forever Your Pain, right Dap?) and yea, I brought my laptop to school but realised that I have forgotten to bring my charger and battery. How very smart. School's nice when there's no one. Haha. Meeting was supposed to start at 10am and end at 3pm. But I reached only at 11am and we ended the meeting at 2pm. All 'cos we wanted to check out some cds and decided to head to PS. Haha. How efficient we were yeah, Peiyu? Haha. And thanks for waiting.

So at 2pm the contrast in the sky was like this. See the dark clouds and the blue blue sky?

I finally bought my black slippers at PS. Loves M)phosis carrier. Always so unique. Jiu de bu qu, xin de bu lai. Hee. Maybe I should just throw my old black slippers away. But it has been with me since 2004. I just can't bear to.

Rushed down to Vivocity (again!) afterwards to meet up with Gina. As usual, I was late. Updated each other with some stuff. Vivocity used to give me this impression that there are many shops to go to, many new exciting things to see and try out etc. It seems just like a magical place to be at. But Saturday proved me wrong. Zara, Mango, Esprit, Tangs, Levis, Topshop, Guess?, Gap and what have you. All the big names and brands. Where you can just get them anywhere too. Vivocity used to be this special place for you and me, but now it just seems nothing to me anymore. The magic is gone. As I was carrying my heavy laptop, we decided to go for an earlier dinner. So off to Sushi Tei we went. Jap again, haha. Two consecutive days of salmon and tuna sashimi and I am still not sick of it. We sat there for 4 hours! From 5pm to 9pm! Haha. Just talking and talking and talking. But it just felt so nice, talking to someone who understands how I feel, who is in the same situation as I am.
Frozen in time:
the disabled nine-year-old girl who will remain a child all her life

CHICAGO: In a case fraught with ethical questions, the parents of a severely mentally and physically disabled child have stunted her growth to keep their little "pillow angel" a manageable and more portable size.

The 9-year-old girl, who is bedridden, had her uterus and breast tissue removed at a Seattle hospital and received large doses of hormones to halt her growth. She is now 4 feet 5 inches, or 134.6 centimeters, tall. Her parents say she would otherwise probably reach a normal 5 feet 6 inches.

"Ashley's smaller and lighter size makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc.," her parents wrote.

Also, Ashley's parents say keeping her small will reduce the risk of bedsores and other conditions that can afflict bedridden patients. In addition, they say that preventing her from going through puberty means she will not experience the discomfort of menstrual periods or grow breasts that might develop breast cancer, which runs in the family.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Counting my Blessings.

On the way to work yesterday afternoon, I was holding back my tears when my mum called. She was just asking where did I go (she went to the market and came home to find her precious daughter MIA haha) and whether I was going to have dinner at home. It was just two simple questions. Questions that were asked every now and then. But this time round, I was feeling very emotional about it. 'Cos I knew that my mum knew that I was upset. For mums know everything, isn't it? At that moment of time, I knew that I shouldn't do anything silly to upset my parents and people who care for me. People who love me for who I am. Right after I ended the call, Gil called, just to make sure I was alright. I was trying to sound normal. Haha. Dear, I know this is naggy, but I still have to say it out. I feel so fortunate to have you around. And dear Dap, May, Shir and Jia Min too! I will always be 24/7 there for you all!


Another person that I have always wanted to express my gratitude to will be you, Peiyu. You are always around to make sure that I am alright. School will be really a bore without you around, I swear!

Waiting for my bus with me,
Taking the same bus with me just to make sure I reach my destination,
Taking the train with me even though you are using bus concession,
Walking around aimlessly with me after boring project meetings even though we have morning classes the next day,
Slacking during the term with me just to realise we haven't been doing much work and end up rushing report deadlines together,
Staying silent and not probing even though you know that I am upset over something and kind of throwing tantrums at you,
Always being there 24/7 even when I go MIA at times,
Cleaning and touching up the bits and pieces of project work that I have failed to do 'cos I am affected by upsetting matters and never once have you complained or showed any displeasure,
Staying overnight in school with me,
Accompanying me on msn till I go offline each time.
And many more..

Who says you can't find true friends in uni? That's nonsense! You know what? You are definitely my closest friend in SMU. :) Thank you for always being there. And you actually DO need me to be around too! 'Cos no one will be always there to remind you of the stuff that you will always miss out in e-mails! Haha! That's the only thing that I am better at than you are!


It's always good to have dear old Benson around. He knows that I am upset recently. So my darling promised to bring me out on a romantic dinner date! Don't you dare to forget about it! Or else..hee..


Last but not least, to you. Somehow I am glad that you were that heartless to me that very night we have last spoken, just like how I was to you, 4 years ago. Of all the hurt that I have once caused you, you have returned them all to me. Of all the sweetest memories that you have given me, I will remember them all. I will. I want to thank you for waking me up. For telling me that you do not love me enough. For telling me that you are just not worth my tears. I am really glad that you have decided to let me go when I wanted to leave and to stop toying with my feelings. Yes, I may be a quitter, but in a game where there aren't any winners or losers, why should anyone stays? And for now, there will no longer be any unnecessary hurt, for I have found my rainbow at the end of the dark alley. Thank you so much. :) Good luck and all the best to you too.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Last night was bad. But at least I know what to do. And I am so glad that I have you, 24/7. Despite not feeling well, you called to make sure I was alright.

I will be.

Going to work now! Tata!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

When there will be no pretense.
When you promised not to laugh (but still you did! hmph!) when I told you about my dreams of being a policewoman in HK as well as to be a some kind of dancer (I have forgotten the exact term) in US.
When you took 3 buses just to reach home all 'cos I was choosy about the type of buses to take. No stinky, dirty-looking buses!
When I can tell you anything that is on my mind and won't think that it's silly. Even if it's so, I will make sure that you will promise not to laugh at me.
When the only thing I do when I think of you is to smile.

Thank you so much. :)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A beautiful stranger smiled at me on the train today. I smiled back.
It suddenly rained heavily on my way home. I shared my umbrella with a stranger.
Let me cry with the rain, just for that little while.
It'll be unfair to you. What should I do? Maybe we shouldn't meet for dinner after all.
What will you do, if you are lost in the streets? Will you:
A) stay put, cry and wait for someone to come
B) approach someone and ask for directions
C) venture out on your own and hope to find your destination

What will I do? Where is my destination? Why not let me tell you what I have been doing. There I am, still standing right at my original position, and trying to head left. Heading left will lead me into this dark alley. I have tried to walk through it many times, only to realise that I am still afraid of walking through it. Dark alleys are always pictured as dangerous, aren't they? And so, the cowardly me, will always revert to my original position eventually. As cliche as it sounds, there might be a rainbow awaiting for me at the end of the dark alley. And all I have to do is to walk through it and happiness, too, awaits me right there. But I still, do not have the courage to walk through the dark alley.

I did that, two years ago. I finally plucked up the courage and walked through the dark alley. What can't I do it this time round? Every attempt down the dark alley increases my chances of getting to my destination, for with every attempt, I will struggle to move one more inch and one more step. Maybe for every hesitation that holds me back, I will note it down and remind myself what exactly will make me happy. It might be hard and slow initially, but I know I will get through this.

Do I really want to walk through the dark alley? Why not try turning right instead? But I have totally no idea where my right is.


It is like smoking without you knowing that I do smoke.
It is like breaking up without you knowing that I even exist.
It is like deleting your messages without you knowing that that I have once kept them close to my heart.
It is like baking something without you knowing that I have baked.
It is like cutting myself on the wrist without you knowing that the scars even exist.

It is just never-ending and the list can just go on.


If I can do it two years ago, I can do it this time round. And thank you to you for 'enlightening' me. What can I do without you? You are absolutely right. Nothing's constant. But, do remember my promise to you.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Hello you. I will try my best to love you still, for you deserve nothing less than that, for being such a bitch. Hating you is not an option, for I am, in all ways, yes ALL ways, more fortunate than you are. Hate me if you want. Scold me if you want. For it won't prick me. Oh yah, I want to thank you so much, for making me see the true side of you. For now, I will not try to defend you from anything.


And you know what? You have made me really pissed, to deserve such an entry from me. It seems that my silence hasn't been doing any good for you. When will you learn?