"Remember to love yourself".

Someone really sweet. Hee.

Yes I will. You are right. I should start to love myself. Thank you for that wake-up message. I have already made the first step - I rewarded myself today by getting something that I feel should cheer me up. I won't be posting up anything till the second of December. And I am sorry if I choose not to answer your calls or reply to your sms-es. I am really too tired of everything. You are always not there when I need you. I should just try to love myself, a little more.


And as usual, You refers to not one, but many individuals. And I know you are probably predicting how long I can last this time round. I will prove you wrong. :P

Take care, everyone.

Mooncup anyone?

The Mooncup is a reusable menstrual cup around two inches long and made from soft silicone rubber. It is worn internally like a tampon but collects menstrual fluid rather than absorbing. Unlike tampons the Mooncup is not a disposable product, so you only need to buy one.

The Mooncup will hold 30ml of fluid, which is roughly one third of the average total produced each period. A light seal is formed with your vaginal walls allowing your menstrual fluid to pass into the Mooncup without leakage or odour. You will probably find that you need to empty your Mooncup less frequently than you currently replace towels or tampons.

For more information, please refer to: http://www.mooncup.co.uk

Holidays are coming!

Hoho!

Exams are round the corner and school is going to end! It's only two more weeks and school will be officially over for the term! I am so looking forward to 2nd Dec! So what does this mean? Haha..that the hols are going to come and and and..Chistmas will be coming! Christmas is like the best time to fall in love! Don't you think so? With all the snow and the cold, it will be so so romantic! Christmas has always been like a magical world, where there is not going to be any hurt and sadness. Hahahahha..but too bad we will be in sunny Singapore..sigh..and yup, hopefully this Christmas I will bump into my Mr. Right! Although it will not be on the streets of Tokyo but on the streets of Orchard Road is better than nothing! But comes Jan, the magic will be gone, once again.

There are so many things that I have planned to do in the hols! There might not be enough time to complete all too! Haha..1st: I want to complete my 2000 pieces jigsaw puzzle but I don't have a frame and even if I frame it up, what am I going to do with it?? I don't think I bear to give it to anyone and there's already no empty walls at home to hang it up! 2nd: I want to finish LOST Season 2! Last night I was so so tempted to watch an episode but I know that if I start, my exams will sure be gone..ahaha.. 3rd: I am going to change the layout of my furniture in my two rooms! Yeah, and so I will OFFICIALLY have a room on my own and call it MINE! haha..though it's something that I am not really looking forward to now 'cos it would mean more emptiness at home. Sigh. 4th: Meet up with people! Haven't started to organize my schedule but this hols I foresee lots of gatherings and outings and fun and laughter! But this also means more $$ spent haha.. 5th: Watching other dramas too..haha..should I just spend my hols at home watching shows? Like not very productive..but it's the hols..and it will be a very good chance to recuperate, both physically, mentally and emotionally I guess. :) 6th: let me think let me think..what else is there to do! Haha..there won't be any more $$ dropping from the sky for me so I think I should save up more. Should I take up more tuition assignments? Stable source of income.

Haha. I can't think of any more things to do! My life sounds so boring! Haha..but that's the way I like it! :) Good luck for the exams everyone! And have a wonderful December hols and come back in Jan looking healthy and radiant yeah!

It's time to get back to my assignment. :(

To you.

Read between the lines.

Have you ever..

Have you ever wondered why you are still holding on to something, despite knowing that it will still fail eventually? Just for that tiny glimmer of hope? Or is it an escape from the harsh reality?

That's why humans are weird. I have been living like a hermit for the past two days, staying at home, eating and sleeping and surfing and occasionally doing school work. My parents thought my holidays have started. Cos I was reading maps. And not going on msn makes me feel better. I have lots of free time to spare. Though there are some who will probably miss my presence online yeah? Haha..Nights people!

What is love?

I don’t know. Do you?

In this new age society, love has become too complex to be simple.

• Is love, loving someone without restraint and without restriction?
• Is love, loving someone because they are themselves?
• Is love, loving someone by setting aside your self-interest for the happiness of the other, even though it may not be reciprocated?
• Is love, loving someone with inspire acts of selfless courage, even if it requires death?

So, what is your definition of love?


You asked me how much I have loved you. I don't know. I really don't know. Can it even be measured? And crying hasn’t felt so good for ages, though the flipside of it are swollen eyebags and a heavy heart. :)

"Moon, will you ever leave your sky?"

One night the moon said to me,

"if she makes you cry,

why don't you leave her?"

I turned to the moon and asked,

"Moon, will you ever leave your sky?"

Some years back, someone said this to me. I don't know whether she's reading this right now.

I kept this journal in JC. Filled it with my feelings and thoughts. I picked it up and read it just now. In some ways, I have changed, for better or for worse. In some ways, I am still the same. I still have the same beliefs. Each year, I wrote down all the sms-es that people sent on my birthday in the book - my 17th, 18th, 19th and 20th. I don't know where I kept my 21st. My 22nd birthday wishes are still stored in my phone. Oh, my 21st birthday wishes are still in my old phone. I looked at the names, there were a number, who continously wished me for 6 years. :) I read the birthday wishes received when I was 18. 18! I am 22 years old now. Time really flies. Too fast in fact. Too fast. Too fast. I still have the habit of keeping sms-es.

Will you want to show your journal to anyone?

Saturday!

Met up with Shir and Jiamin in the late afternoon for some shopping and catching up. Was surprised to see them all dressed up and so I just realized that they had to attend a friend's ROM before meeting me. Luckily I wasn't in my slippers or something. Haha. We had dinner at My Secret Garden. Had great food and great company. Silly cute waiters who stole glances at us now and then (it must be Shir and JM!). Too bad they are too young! Haha..The sharing of a brolly between the 3 of us. The laughter we had. The troubles we shared. The company we enjoyed.

My Secret Garden!

Met up with GnG after that, minus Dap and TCM though. It was an impromptu decision to meet. Instead of our usual hangout at ECP, we decided to go and bowl! Something new for a start! Haha. So we went to Kim Seng, which was opposite Great World City. Had a fun time there, despite the cold and the weight of the bowling ball. I had the lightest bowling ball available there, but still, it was too heavy for me. Haha. But but but, I have hit my personal best - 118! Never have I scored so high before! Haha..

Gil said that people will know what we were posing for. Do you? Haha. She forced made the two of us posed that silly pose with her.

We were lying on the billard table, with poor Alex having to take the shot for us. Supper followed after that, at Joo Seng. It was my first time stepping into the area. And dear old gil sending us all back. Really really appreciate it, my dear.


And so, Saturday was a fun-filled day, spent with the favourites.
Where there was not even a hint of unhappiness.
Thank you my darlings.
And I love you so.

It's really the thought that counts.

My dearest Jia Min's beloved Bear and Erika! Dear, I really enjoyed the train ride to Punggol and as much as I have wanted to spend more time with you at your place, just like the time when I stayed over in 2004, time didn't allow me to do so this time round ! Can't wait for Dec to come and we will have more fun and heart-to-heart talks, not without dear old Shir as well yeah! (though she still doesn't appreciate our bears haha..) Looking forward to this Sat if we are meeting! :)

And I love you so.

A day spent, with the favourites.

Where there was not even a hint of unhappiness.

Thank you my darlings.

And I love you so.

I just came back. Tired? Yes I am. I hope I can have a good sleep. All the way to 1 pm or even later. I am meeting shir and jm at 3 pm. So much to tell them. I hope I will feel better after talking to them.

Nights everyone!

I will wish.

For sugar is bitter and lemon is sweet. I will wish for all the bitterness in the world just to have a little sweetness from you;

For they say it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all, I will wish for things to be simpler;

For all the walks we have and each new route I have brought you to, I will wish for a path that will never end so that goodbyes will never come;

For all the sweetness that I have wanted to give but did not because I fear, I will wish for an answer so that my sweetness will never be too much for you;

To you: Thank you very much for reappearing in my life.

And dear old gil, I am glad that we are saints. We laugh at them, but we feel bad for doing so. We laugh at them, but we scold ourselves for doing so. We laugh at them, but we feel sad for their plight. And we count our blessings and we are contented with what life has given us. And all we should do is to give them our blessings too. For that, I thank you for being in my life, for I have become a better person.


My ex once asked me why I can't lower my pride for love. Why I am unable to throw aside my pride and reveal my feelings. Pride is the only thing that protects me, the only shelter I can turn to. How can I give it up when I know that love is going to hurt?


"Is there anything that you want to tell me?"

I asked you once. You said no. I was upset, but you couldn't hear it. How would you, for you are not as sensitive as you should be. But too much of sensitivity is not good too.

And I was asked the same question. I wonder how you felt when I said no. Did you feel the same as how I did?

Yeah so?

I wrote a short note for someone but Mark Low said it sounded corny and after which, he started to attack my ego by saying that my poems do not rhyme (and they are meant not to anyway and was I even trying to write poems? No..haha) and I shouldn't post them up. And he started boasting saying that he has won a third placing in some NATIONAL poetry writing competition in sec. 1 and yeah so? What happen now? Hahaha..as what you have said, that was in sec 1. :P

My short note will still be up, tonight.

I fear..

Why would I let you appear in my life and mess it up; and to disappear and leave me to clean up the shit?

减肥啦！

My dad just snatched that packet of caramel corn from me and refused to let me eat.

"刚刚吃了一个大包你还要吃别的东西？减肥啦！"

My dad is so cute. That day he just commented that I am too skinny to be healthy and now he's refusing to let me eat more junk.

And so my mum just called to ask whether we want any food. My dad asked:

"你要吃什么东西吗？"

So Random......

I caught Death Note some weeks ago and it was not bad. At least I kind of like L. So cute, always eating sweets and chocolates and whatsoever. Haha. But he will be killed by Light in the later part. So sad. Sigh.

Do you love me today?

I caught The Prestige yesterday with Mark Low. Haha. The movie was not that bad. But it didn't impressed me that much. And Mark Low, do you prefer sweet or SOUR popcorn? Hahahaha..I myself will prefer the sweet one 'cos I never try sour ones before..Hahaha..And Mark Low has been irritating me so much and now he even wants to start a blog that write bad things about me. He's going to write a new bad thing about me daily. Haha. So irritating. But I know I am too nice for him to even start thinking about creating that blog account, right?

I went NTU today (Wednesday). And I am happy 'cos I did some readings and some project work today. Better than staying at home and wasting my time. And 'cos I was spending my time with someone nice and sweet too. Hmm, yeah anyway I feel that it's totally different culture from SMU. Real different. Been some time since I have last stepped into a tutorial room.

NTU's exam venue! Scary! Eh the last time I saw this kinda arrangement was in Sec 4. Yeah..



Four years of uni life, comes and goes. I still remember the night when I stayed in classroom 7 with Jeannette and Jeannette bumping into MACS and asking me to quick come and talk to him. Haha. I miss the old campus. At least the air was fresher there.

And I always like the supper night out with friends (referring to those who drive. Supper with those who don't drive is a different kind of feeling). Especially when people call/sms and they just have to say "Hey, want to go for supper?" and I will (most of the time) agree. And in my usual tees and shorts, I will be running out of my house (yes, I am late most the time) to the usual spot where they will be waiting for me (the road just outside of my condo) in the car. Dear old Benson, Jeannette, John Teo, Teng Whye, Edison and Thomas, Kieran, and him. And many some others that I might have missed out.

I miss the air at 5am.

I am also looking forward to my supper at Changi with my dear old boy. Haha.

Relationships. Why are relationships getting so complicated nowadays? Should a relationship be mutually satisfying and advantageous to both parties? The greater degree of affection, the more reciprocity is practised, and the more reciprocity is practised, the closer and more emotion-filled the relationship becomes? Do you believe in platonic love?

And I ran today. A short one. 2.4 km only. But it was good. :))

Nights everyone!

I am glad that I have you.

Finally finally finally. The secret's told. To you, and only you and no one else. Haha. I am glad that I was being honest with you, for this thing has been bugging me for the past few days. Maybe I am just being toooo silly for worrying so much.

For you are the one that knows me.
For you are the one that won't judge me no matter what.

Thank you so much for being in my life. :)

I, S84XXXXXH..

Sorry Chee Ching, I hope you don't mind me for putting this up. Hee. Yeah, 'cos I find it really sweet of you to have done that. :)

My foodstuff at home. All stocked up for exams. Haha. The chocolate was bought by my dad and it's not for me. I have grown out of sweets and choc. See the yellow colour packet at the bottom left? So cute right? Haha..Mark Low treated me to Ajisen (I'll treat you in Jan!), so I was nice and gave him one of those! Actually I was planning to give it to him no matter what. :P

Finally gotten my shampoo and conditional after going THREE times to chinatown. At least I had a good walk and it made me better. Spent $100+ on them. Broke now. Really. Peiyu was nice enough to accompany me there today. :)

My favourite kind of beancurd + mushroom and my favourite kind of veg! All cooked by my favourite person!

Nonya Kueh! I like this: glutinous rice (the red-brown layer) and some sweet stuff (yellow layer). Haha. I like this kind of food. But it's super fattening. Haha.

Sometimes, I tell myself that I should just follow my heart. But, I just don't want to get hurt again. Remember the good memories and forget the bad ones. Some of my entries won't make any sense to many out there. And I am tired of explaining. If only you know me well enough. Whatever will be, will be.

To: The dearest friend who stays true to our friendship since the day we have met.

A week ago, I was having a not-so-good day when I received a parcel in my mailbox. I knew it was from her, for she has told me that it was sent. My heart skipped a beat, for I was excited to find out what was inside. A pair of earrings? For she was known to be good at making them. I opened the parcel and...

I was really happy. No words is adequate/suitable to describe my happiness. It was really a pleasant surprise. A hand-made Bear - ERIKA. The time and effort spent, imagine that! In the midst of preparing for her exams too! The letter wrote, the scarf made so that ERIKA won't get cold. I was really touched.

I proudly showed off my bear to my parents, carrying it around everywhere I went in the house. ERIKA and XD. My dog has a companion now. Haha. Yeah..

And to this very sweet girl, I just want to say:

Happy Birthday.

I wish you all the best in everything. :)

Thank you for being there for me.

I love you my dear.

It is wise not to seek a secret; and honest, not to reveal one.

Everyone has secrets. No one does not, except saints perhaps.

Secrets lead to lies.

To cover it up, they say.
For the layers of lies just keep adding on.

Look through the eyes, they say.
For they tell the truth, nothing but the truth.

It's for your own good, they say.

For that is why lies exist and why secrets are kept.

I don't wish to lie.
I don't wish to hurt you.

But the longer I remain silent, the greater the amount of hurt you will receive, when the day comes. When the secret gets revealed.

What should I do?

I don't like to keep my troubles to only myself. But this time round, it seems that there is no one that I can turn to. No one will understand the position that I am in now. No one understands me better than myself. Maybe it's time for some independence and that walk alone. :)

And why do you go around telling others about me? Can't you keep a secret?

Nightmares and Lotus Root.

Who is the first person you will think of, when you wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and when everywhere is dark and silent?

And what is the first thing you will do?



And I never like the taste of lotus root. The crunch when you bite it. Especially when lotus root is used in soups, double-boiled with peanuts and meat. I totally don't like it. It is complicated. It is never-ending. And I won't like it.

Heartbreaking scene in LOST.

The lady to the man she loves:

I was going to leave you.
I was going to get away.
But you made me change my mind.
You made me believe that you still love me.

The man to the lady he loves:

It's too late.

And so he walked away.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

This was what I was refering to:

Horoscope of the day (friday)

"In your desire to make the people
you care about happy,

you could impulsively say yes to a situation
that taxes too many of your precious resources.
Remember,

your happiness is your responsibility, too."

Why is it that everything kind of makes sense these few days and falls in so neatly!

Freaky shows shouldn't be watched alone.

I know I shouldn't do this, but I just ate a red bean bun. :(( At 3 am in the morning. It feels better to sleep on a full stomach, isn't it?

And it's scary to watch Lost at this hour. Kind of freaky actually. Haha. But it's too tempting. That's why freaky shows shouldn't be watched alone. :((

So Random......

1. The Aeroplane Letter!

Remember the person whom I have written a letter to, and who, in return, has given me a very very pretty postcard? This dearest person, wrote back some days ago (last week). And when I received it, I knew instantaneously that it was from this person. Eh, but the letter was folded in a very weird interesting shape, and it actually took me a while to figure out what it was supposed to be. Haha. Oops. And I am still unable to fold it back into the original intended shape.

I like the letter. A lot. :))

2. Kaleidoscope!

A hand-made kaleidoscope. HAND-MADE. A card. HAND-MADE. I really like the short message inside. But some of the stars have dropped off. :((

Thank you so much. It is a very unique gift. I really like it.

3. Malay Goodies!

My tuition kid asked me to finish them all! Haha..no I didn't finish them..So interesting right? The pineapple tarts were yummy!

I don't know why, but the tuition kids I have and had, they will always have food for me to eat! Is it me? As in do I have the "I am hungry and I want food" look? I think it's 'cos I am always so so nice! Hahaha..the Korean mother will always ask me to try korean food (some were nice but some were really weird!), another one baked pizza and asked me to bring the entire pizza home! Another one will always offer me canned drinks (which I rarely drink) and another one will always ask me whether I want fruit juice. And I really missed the Korean girls. :((

4. Me and Sprite!

On wednesday, I had lunch/dinner at Waraku @ Marina Square with Mark Low and Gillian How. Haha. It was a impromptu decision to combine these two meetups together. Long story why. And I don't like to meet different groups of friends at the same time 'cos I want to spend quality time with each group and also 'cos I find it hard to spilt my concentration. We took some photos of the yummy food but it's with Gil. Well, the main point I want to drive at is the thing about Me and Sprite. I always get conned into drinking it. And not without paying so much for it.

NYDC. I was with Gil some years ago and I ordered this drink with a fancy name and was expecting something real nice. Turns out that it was just SPRITE sprinkled with rainbow rice (the candy kind). And this time round at Waraku, the waitress told me that I should try this Japanese SPRITE. "It tastes different from the ordinary SPRITE", she says. Yes, it tasted different. My foot. Haha.


5. Zara with Gil!

After our hearty meal at Waraku, Gil and I went around MS for a short while. We tried on this heavy LONG black dress at Zara 'cos we were so cold that we needed to do something. Nothing flattering about the dress. Haha..and dear, I think you should get that TOPSHOP jacket. It's really CUTE. Really really. Haha. Though black might be too dull. I really like the red one leh. And I will listen to what you have said in TOPSHOP. :))

6. The Prune Drink

Monday, I was about to head for my gym session at 9pm ('cos I need to run to think through some stuff) when I was asked to go for drinks. Having declining dinner before, i accepted the invite. But there was a dress code. And so I had to get ready with 15 minutes. To match the shirt-and-pants attire, I had something nicer than my usual "supper-wear" of tee & fbt shorts! In the end, I rushed out of house within 30 minutes instead of the stipulated 15…But that's considerably fast for the short notice I received! (Isn’t it? Haha..)

And I finally laid my hands on what I have always wanted but failed to get...prune juice! Since I had a nice 'chauffeur', I did not have to lug it home! That alone was impetus to my decision in getting it! Hahaha...

Happy Belated Birthday?

Yesterday, after my EDA class ended at 645pm, I walked over to Mark's table to wait for him. Christopher was sitting next to him. I looked at Chris and smiled.

Chris looked at me and said: "Happy belated birthday."

It stunned me for 5 seconds.

And so I helped him to throw his empty tea cup away.

Chris watches LOST too. But he's at Season 3 already. I am still at Season 1, and am going to finish it during the hols. Not going to watch it now. I hope. Trying to resist the temptation to. Haha. And I was told some nights ago that in the show, the people on the island are actually all DEAD. Kind of freaked me out a little. Especially when it was told at night over the phone and I had my lights off and was lying in bed. Kinda freaking. Made me keep thinking about it that very night. Just like the time when Gil told me about that ghost story about Mary. Haha.

Sometimes I need to be ultra alert in order not to say the wrong things or to leak anything that is not supposed to be known (haha) as my mum will always try to dig something out from me by catching me unguarded. I was preparing for school in the bathroom when she popped a random question:

Mum: 你的boyfriend比较好看还是我的儿子？
Me: 我有boyfriend meh?
Mum: haha..
Me: 你的女儿这么美，人又好，追我的人这么多..慢慢选lo..haha..

The right approach to handle this kind of situation.

When tomorrow comes..

I feel upset. I know I shouldn't.

I am tired. But I can't sleep.

I feel lost and confused.

I feel dehydrated. Haha. Yah I didn't drink my usual amount of water today.

I don't want to be a replacement.

But I know, when tomorrow comes, I will just throw all the silly troubles somewhere else. And I am not 24/7 unhappy. I do smile. I do laugh. And my troubles are nothing compared to some others.

I am just tired. And everything's not balanced. I need my run.

I am so tired.

My horoscope of the day says that I should go for a long walk before making any major decisions.

A ring, a card, a picture, a memory.